31 day blog challenge Day 13

Day 13 of the 31 day blog challenge

Day 13: Do you have regret?

Yes, I do. The things that I regret the most is being dishonest and hurting people close to me. I have been dishonest until I caused a problem for my cousin and I and our relationship. That's when I had decided to change that about myself. One thing I have been trying to avoid but it seems impossible, is hurting those close to me. It's as if I am constantly pushing them away. This is one thing that I hate about myself and I wish I could change it. Dishonesty and hurting people that are close to me, those are the things that I regret the most.

That's it for today's challenge!!

I hope you stick around until the end!!

Have an amazing day!!

My missing piece

Recently, I have been feeling as if I have found my missing puzzle piece. I have been thinking about how much this person has in common with me. It's actually quite scary how much we have in common, whether it be actions or intellect. It is also all natural for the both of us to do what we do. To me, he is so perfect, there is nothing that I don't like about him, I love everything about him.

Although, I haven't met him yet, I feel as though I have known him for a long time. I feel as if I have met him before or something along those lines. Every time I see him I just have to smile, he makes me so happy. He may make me happy at times but, he also brings tears to my eyes. I'm afraid that someone is going to take him away.

I want to be his, I want to be his everything. I had a sudden attraction to him and it came from absolutely nowhere. I never thought I would be this attracted to someone or have these feelings towards someone. It just took one look and for me to say, "Hey, that guy is quite attractive." Then, all of these feelings came from there and they have grown stronger ever since.

He is literally the other side to me, the other half, and my missing piece. Just watching him from afar and seeing all of the little things he does, I fall in love repeatedly. I even find the odd things he does to be attractive, meaning: things that you usually wouldn't find cute. I don't know if this is creepy or not, but, I love watching him eat. Like I had said earlier, I love everything about him, even the small things.

I honestly would do anything for him, he makes me feel so encouraged and supported. Lately, I have been pushing myself to do very well in school for him. I have been pushing myself to the point where my brain feels like it's going to explode. I always tell myself though that this is for him. He makes me feel good about myself, and he makes me feel that whatever I put my mind to I can do it.

He inspires me each and everyday. Seeing him do his best all the time, makes me want to do the same. There are just countless and admirable things about him that I just can't describe. I would like to say that he has made me a better person. He has also taught me to look at the world at a different perspective. 

I learn something new from him almost every day. He makes me look forward to each day, whether it be bad or good. He just makes me feel so alive, so alive that I'm just happy to be living and breathing each and every day. Knowing that I can see his smiling face every day makes my life worth it. He gives me that extra push to keep on moving forward.

Whenever I think of him or look at him I get those butterflies and my heart beats a little faster. I can't help the way I feel about him, it's quite hard to tell if this is an "infatuation" or "love". If I were with him, I wouldn't mind being away from him for a little bit, everyone needs their space. Just knowing that he is alive and happy, that's all that I need. I feel that he is pure perfection to me, maybe a prince charming. ^^

I can't wait until the day I get to finally meet him. That would be the day that I get to find out if it was meant to be or not. I am totally prepared for what may come of the answer. Only time will tell, I just believe that I have to have faith and hope that this may work. No one knows what will happen, I just have to keep my head up and wait for that day. 

I just know that this guy makes me feel like no other could. He is everything that I ever imagined in a guy, he is just too perfect to me. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Every little thing reminds me or makes me think of him. I believe in fate, I just hope that this is right. 

I don't want anyone else but him, I know that sounds so cliche but that's how I feel. He has become a part of me, I can't go a day without thinking of him. Most of the time my mind just wanders off to him anyways. These are all natural feelings and I just can't describe fully of how he makes me feel. I can't describe fully of how I feel about him. 

He is just my missing piece, he is special, and he has stolen my heart and is running away with it. I just wish he knew that he meant this much to me. Everyday that goes by, my feelings grow stronger and stronger. Every time I see him, my heart beats faster and faster. I just want him to know that he is always on my mind and in my heart.

<3

chuu!!~~~ <3

Okay, that's all for my post today!!

Hope you enjoyed it!!

Have a lovely day!!

<3

~*Kaeli YouJae*~

Loneliness

Right now, I just really need to get my feelings out. I have currently been feeling lonely, but also okay with being alone...if that makes sense. I am very understanding of the fact that others have their own things going on. I am also okay with the fact that I'm not the center of anyone's universe. I have to admit that not having anyone to talk to hurts a lot, especially since the only people that I want to talk to have time differences.

I really do try to keep myself busy and trying my best not to be a burden to those I want to talk to. Honestly, you can only keep yourself busy for so long until you lose complete interest and all you want to do is sleep. I have gotten to that point, where all I want to do is sleep and not be a burden to anyone. I actually hate to be the first one to make the move, I feel like I'm a burden. I feel like I'm bothering them and I'm always left here thinking, "What the hell am I doing?"

I'm at the point where I'm confused and being confused makes me flustered. Myself, being flustered from my confusion, I tell myself that I should wait until others want to talk to me. When I do such things, the anticipation ends up eating me alive and I feel unwanted or not needed. At times I think to myself that maybe I was meant to wander this world on my own. I always somehow end up pushing people away or they end up forgetting about me.

I have to admit that the only true friends I have ever made were online. The hardships of these types of friendships/relationships is the time differences and that we can't actually meet as we'd like. Due to that, I am not able to talk to them as much as I'd like to. Therefore, I have to wait until they're ready to talk because they know their schedules, in which I don't have one. I have honestly met the point in my life where I know I don't have many friends.

The only best friend that I actually have that lives close to me is Azu. She has been my friend since freshman year of high school, she has always been there for me. I can always count on her to be there for me when I need her, she is my shoulder to cry on. She is also my sister, she has seen me at my worst and always found a way to lift me up. I think that I'd still be at my worst without her in my life. 

Everyone has their ups and downs, but it really does suck to know that you really don't have any friends where you live. Right now, I'm just really stuck and I feel really lonely. Lonely to the point where I just don't want to talk to anyone anymore. I want to roll up in a ball, cover myself with blankets, put my music on and cry myself to sleep. I think that maybe I just need to take a break from everything. 

I really hate that I'm just starting to feel this way about everything right before my birthday. Like, really? Why now? Maybe it's my way of learning things and growing up, I'm not sure. You know what? I think it's just me and my brain that over thinks every little thing making me feel like shit. Over thinking really does make everything worse and it even creates problems that weren't even there to begin with. 

Just please hang in there with my ranting, I am literally typing whatever is flowing from my brain. I do suffer from anxiety and depression and for myself, I think that talking about this makes things a bit better. On a slightly good note, my friends say that I'm the "brain" of the group and also a "good talker". I have to agree with those statements actually, I do tend to think way more than I should and I can't keep my mouth shut. So, there you have it! 

My rant of all rants!!

I honestly didn't think I would talk this much.

There was just too much on my mind and in my heart.

I had to get this all off of my chest.

I do feel really lonely right now and I guess I just have to endure it.

Without struggle, how are we supposed to strengthen ourselves?

On that note, I will say....

Good night

Much love xoxo

Kaeli YouJae

Rain Sound M/V -B.A.P-

Love Pt. 2

(c): photobucket.com

On Saturday, I went out with my best friend, his girlfriend and his best friend (my date). It was the best day ever, since I have been cooped up inside the house for a long time. It was a double date and I enjoyed every second of it. :3 <3 The day was filled with laughter and love. There are no words to explain how happy I truly am. <3

(c): animecartoondrawing.com

I honestly have to say that I believe in this thing called "love at first sight". This was my first time meeting my best friend's best friend (if that makes sense). When I laid eyes on him, I couldn't help but smile and feel my face light up. Usually when I meet new people I would shake hands with them. This time I automatically hugged him without even thinking. 

(c): moviebetter.com

It was so easy to talk to him, most of the time when I meet new people I would be extremely shy. With him, I felt so comfortable and confident. We talked about anything and everything, we were laughing most of the time. It feels good to get to know someone new. Also, someone I can share interests with and relate to. 

(c): loveswallpaper.com

I know it seems that I have fallen very quickly for this guy. I just felt an instant attraction to him, it all came naturally. In my eyes, he is pure perfection, I would do anything to make him happy. For example, if he was not ready for a serious relationship I would wait for him. I have very strong feelings for him, I really don't care what others think.

(c): kootation.com

I really like this guy, I just hope that it will work out in the end. I just can't seem to get him out of my head. Every time I close my eyes I see him and remember everything that happened between us. I just keep smiling and then I start to giggle. I have become that happy little girl that I had remembered being.

(c): gerberbabycontest.net

I'll admit, I do fall quite fast for people....but, I had never felt this way about anyone. I'm love struck and got an arrow shot into me by Cupid. I am just so happy right now and I can't hide it. I can't even sleep because he's all I can think about. He really left me with a racing heart and stars in my eyes. lol 

Definitely felt those sparks with him.

I'm sprung.

<3 <3 <3

Have a wonderful and fun loving day!!~

Love

(c): mycutegraphics.com

I would like to talk about my feelings about Love today. Personally, I am okay with being single, I enjoy being able to do things by myself. I have been single for quite a while now, I don't feel the need to be with anyone. I think it's fun being single because you have a lot of time to yourself. You also have a lot of time to hang out with your friends. :)

(c): fabulouslyfrugirl.com

Although, recently I have been slowly getting back into Love again. Thing that's holding me back though is myself. I have Fear, a lot of you can probably relate to this. I am in fear of Rejection and not being good enough. I am also in fear or nervous, that when I start talking to them I may just sound down right Stupid. 

(c): sterling-wellness.com

I want to start off as friends with any guy that I am attracted to. Another thing, I think a lot of us can relate to, is talking to that person that you want to get to know. Like I said, we are in fear of sounding dumb and being rejected. We are also nervous to talk to that person that we like or have a crush on. I know that I am definitely feeling fear and being nervous.

(c): pinterest.com

I guess, at this point I think I need to sit down and figure out my emotions. I need to gain confidence and courage to speak up. I was always told to try something, and if I didn't, I wouldn't know what could have happened. So, I'm thinking, maybe I should just give it a try. It may or may not work, but it's worth a try. 

(c): ahouseinthehills.com

Anyways, that was just a little rant that I wanted to get off of my chest. It has been on my mind for a while now and thought a lot of you could relate to it. Hope you all enjoyed it and maybe you can give me some feedback on what you think I should do. I am very scared of what could happen yet, I am so ready to give this thing a try. Have a wonderful day!!

(c): wallpaperswide.com