No turning back/changing

Today I would like to talk about the feelings and thoughts that I've been having lately. Ever since I have decided to depart from a group I had created I had been feeling like an open wound. Fresh, open, and vulnerable. I have been over thinking, hurting myself with these thoughts, and noticing a change in myself and others as well. I feel that I am losing those who once meant a lot to me.

Right now, nothing, absolutely nothing makes sense to me.

Blessed with a curse by Bring me the Horizon

I am actually at the point right now where I want to begin to keep a distance. A distance from those who were close, those who caused or cause me pain and those who choose to forget me. I think that at this point, I just need time to myself. No more conversing about fantasies and no more making acquaintances with those who converse about fantasies. I am just so confused and thrown into a whirlwind.

I guess that me distancing myself from everyone will be a good thing. It gives me time to myself and more time for those people to find new things. I have noticed that over these past years, a lot of peoples' lives have become better without me in it. Sometimes, I think that I was just made to be alone majority of the time. I feel that I am a burden to those who have become close to me.

I also feel that once we get close to the fire we get burnt. After getting burnt, we never want to go near it again. Yet, that experience and feeling of getting burnt gets engraved in our minds. Although, there's nothing to change about what happened because it left a scar. Sooner or later it will heal and we will learn new things from that past experience.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm prepared to face these changes in my life. I am ready to move on, and ready to grow up. I am ready to forget all of this and become a better me. It may not be beneficial to those around me but, if it benefits me I'm fine with that. I am ready to face reality and find something new to chase after.

In life, there will always be ups and downs, there is absolutely no way to avoid it. You make mistakes but you learn from them. These challenges and changes in our lives can only make us that much stronger. I am still learning, but I am also willing to put up with mine and other consequences. I have also learned that now, I am practically an adult and I need to take full responsibility for whatever happens.

There will be no more blaming on others.

I am definitely feeling way better after babbling this. I feel like a "brand new" me! Yes, change feels good right now. It feels good to do things for myself once in a while. This is a big step for me, I do feel very mature at the moment. haha! I am a girl slowly turning into a young lady.

I will like to end this somehow, on a positive note. To those who caused me pain, thank you, you have made me that much stronger and mature. To those who became close to me, thank you for letting me be myself and learning to trust people. To those who have chosen to forget me, thank you for giving me memories. To those who want to cause me pain, I don't care what you do, life is life, it's gonna suck sometimes but, I won't let you get to me. 

We all have to learn to deal with whatever life throws at us.

POWER by B.A.P

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!! I'm very sorry if this post does not make a lot of sense. I was just going with whatever my mind was telling me.I apologize for it not being to your liking. 

Good night world!!!

Dishonesty

Today I would like to talk about a very common topic.

Dishonesty

A lot has happened to me in the past and even now that has dealt with this. I mean, I can't say I haven't lied during my life time. In fact, one too many times I had been dishonest. One thing is always true about dishonesty, it does nothing but get you into trouble. I understand that it's only human of us to do so. 

For example, we could lie to get out of a situation or maybe to help a situation. What I have learned though, is that the lie can help only during that time. Then, the lies can keep on building up from that small one you had created. Soon, it will begin to consume you and you start to bury yourself alive in your lies. Sometimes, you even begin to believe your own lies and you than lose sight of yourself.

I personally, chose not to let it get that far. I'll admit it though, I was so close to doing so. It got to the point when I would feel guilty after lying. It would eat me up inside, and it made me feel like a "fake" person. Due to my constant dishonesty, I had lost a lot of friends and even my family members trust.

That is when I had chosen to change my ways. I didn't want to lose sight of myself or others anymore. I may not have many friends, but I know that I am my true self and they accept that. Now, I feel more confident in myself and I feel like a giant weight has lifted from my shoulders. One thing that really bothers me though, are dishonest people who strongly believe in their lies.

How I see these types of people: They feed off of their lies, they love the feeling of being in a fantasy world, and most of all, they love living a lie. They can't truly be themselves because no lie is ever true. It may sound beautiful whatever it is they're saying, but there will always be something hanging behind it. Therefore, I think dishonest people make good friends with other dishonest people. That way, they can feed off of one another's lies. 

I just can't stand dishonest people.

A Beautiful lie by 30 seconds to Mars

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This has been bothering me for a while now and I felt that I had to get this off of my chest. This post was quite long, but it wasn't hard for me to think of what to say. I hope you enjoyed reading this and maybe you can relate to it. Thank you for reading my endless rambling. 

Have a great day!~ :)